HOW TO TAKE OVER THE ATMOS
by Gyroscope
Summary: Cyclonis' crucial tutorial for aspiring empresses who aim to become a first class ruler of a Terra, and consequently conquer the Atmos. Involves megalomania, sociopathic tendencies and narcissism with an extremely good looking right hand man and ways to handle incompetent, moronic subordinates.
1. Elimination

_**Warning:** Contains great intensities of sarcasm and irony. If you cannot handle such, you are not suitable for the application of this tutorial. Also, I recommend anyone who is younger than five should not participate. This is a high-grade lesson, not Playschool. I will not be your nanny. – Master Cyclonis_

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**CHAPTER 1: ELIMINATION**

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Before you present your disgusting self to me, I advise you to brush off any dust from that lowly attire. I am highly allergic. Dust mites are extremely dangerous. How dare such minute creatures infiltrate my safe asylum! Also, your fashion taste disgusts me. Converse with Ravess for tips before I set my eyes on your putrid clothing.

You should have had a shower ten minutes ago. My nose is a sensitive organ and it cannot withstand foreign odours. If you have not cleaned, you are to abscond immediately before my crystal staff decides to scatter your particles all over Cyclonia.

I'm sorry, you were too slow.

Your mind must be capable to capacitate my high intelligence, yet you will never exceed mine. Oh, you don't understand? No? Ah. My crystal is glowing quite brightly at present. Wait, now you clearly show your comprehension, but you wish to speak out of line.

Apologies. My fingers just slipped and the crystal conveniently managed to vaporise you.

Finally, you must not have any allegiances or alliances with anyone that is not Cyclonian. If you are a Raptor, I have a tendency to harm and threaten you, yet we will always preserve a strong bond. If you are a Murk Raider or the Colonel, I have no business with you. So please turn around whilst my Talons escort you in chains to the dungeons.

A defection to Cyclonia is acceptable. Remember, it is permanent and if you decide to turn back, I will allow you the choice of having the Dark Ace or Ravess destroy you. Yes, I am a civilised, fair ruler and respects your input in such situations.

Ah. The remaining should be a group compiled with competent beings that comply with my conditions. No, not you. You look too much like Piper. Talons, take her to the dungeons. And not these people either. This is a tutorial for aspiring "empresses" not "emperors". Males, out. Converse with the Dark Ace; he is looking for aspiring soldiers to be like him, that narcissistic, picky man.

Now we can conclude. You are a lucky group chosen by my fine hands to become an empress of a Terra. Preferably, you will not be as dominant and powerful as I, yet let no this hinder your eagerness and learning capacities to become the greatest ruler. With my wise tutorial and guide, you will succeed, but you will _never_ be level with me.

Come; do not scuttle like lowly subjects. What did I say? Do not SCUTTLE, _girl._ Talons, throw her off the Terra. Yes, without a parachute. I am a busy and ethical woman and I myself cannot conduct such malevolence at this moment. Do the honours immediately.

Where was I? Oh yes; follow me where we will discover the first step of becoming a fully-fledged empress…

Who just _trod_ on my cloak? Stop cowering, you idiot. I am not going to hurt you. Who put such a thought into your mind? Here, walk beside me. I will need you for the first lesson…

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_A/N: I have no idea where this is going to, but this is so fun to write! I wonder if any of you survived those tests._


	2. Experimental

_A/N: Thanks for all those reviews! I shall reward you with another installment :)_

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**CHAPTER 2: EXPERIMENTAL**

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Now, being an empress of a highly powerful Terra, you must have an expertise in a weapon of mass destruction. This, of course, will be crystals. A staff may be necessary, but you must always focus on crystals.

For those who have basic knowledge of crystals, raise your hands. Do not lie to yourself, or it will be the death of you. Your demise can incur from your ignorance and misuse of crystals or by my temper, if you wish to catalyse it. Either case, I do not care.

Those cowards who just lowered their hands, you will be now escorted by my Talons to Cyclonia's crystal mines to learn the basics. Fear not, the conditions there are quite agreeable to your _lowly_ standards.

Where was that girl who walked beside me? Ah, yes. See those two crystals upon the bench? Bring them here and show them to the class. In her right hand, she holds the eruption stone and in her left, a slimer crystal. You may think the latter is useless, and I'm sure you have faced such a crystal in your bland childhood.

Everyone, take note of this:

Never underestimate a crystal.

Once you catalyse the properties of the slimer crystal, the results are terrific. Girl, walk over to that corner and fuse them together. Go ahead, stop hesitating. The crystals should glow brightly and you should feel the pulse of energy through your body. Come on now, bring them closer together. I have not the patience for you to stand there like a stunned moron. I have a class to teach.

So class, as she brings them together, the interparticles in the crystals start to vibrate causing the internal structures within the stones to loosen. Loosened interparticles are highly reactive and must bond with something similar to its nature. Therefore, perfect crystal bonding always results in the creation of a new substance, or a new stable crystal. These perf…

**I AM THE DARK ACE. Hello, I am here to teach you how to have fun by killing Sky Knights, like that pesky Aerrow, and terrorising everyone in the Atmos. We will not talk about BORING things like crystals unless it we talk about weaponry. Here, in this room is Master Cyclonis. Bow down to her you disrespectful brats.**

Dark Ace, do you have to terrorise me now? I'm busy discussing with MY CLASS the theory of crystals and will be soon talking about crystal matrices. Now look, _Dark Ace,_ you are distracting my girls. Avert your eyes back here class! Ignore that arrogant bastard behind you. Yes, I know he is attractive (stop preening, Dark Ace) but we must focus or I might involuntarily blast an unsuspecting class member.

BOOM!

Finally, you useless girl. You combined the slimer and eruption crystals together. As we see this was an imperfect combination, and resulted in the cataclysm of an explosion. As tested by that putrid Piper from the Storm Hawks, I can judge the expansion and loosening of interparticles within the eruption stone was faster than the slimer crystal. The reactivity of the eruption stone is higher than the slimer. The slimer could not cope with such power, theref…

**BECAUSE I AM THE DARK ACE, I will show you the fine qualities of a female empress, class. Men surrender to the utter beauty of women, whilst I surrender to their power as well. Master Cyclonis here is not only beautiful, but also a powerful arrogant witch you dare not to cross. She has sociopathic issues and…**

Dark Ace. Leave now before I blast you with my spare eruption stone.

**Yes, darling.**

Don't wink at me, you perverted man. And girls, that wink was NOT for you, so stop fainting.

**Master, are you jealous? Or do you love me too much?**

No, you arrogant little...!

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*Please wait with the utmost patience as this issue is delicately dealt with. Such precision is needed to control the disturbance in the shape of the Dark Ace. – Master Cyclonis*

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Good. Girls stand up before I blast you awake. The Dark Ace is gone now, so erase your disgusting thoughts! You females are pathetic. Talons, escort that injured girl to the hospital. Yes, yes, the one unconscious. No, not her you fools! She's just unconscious from Dark Ace's presence. The one covered in slime. Does she look like she is covered in slime? Moronic subordinates! The one in the corner; take her to the hospital.

For those who are conscious and not perturbed by the Dark Ace, please continue with me. You shall all now be my class. We will now continue down to the dining room for some etiquette training.

Oh, stop moaning girls. Being an empress you must be polite, civilised and retain the air of power everywhere. No, of course not silly. You do not need it when you are sleeping or having a shower. How stupid are you? Wait, you are too stupid to answer that question yourself.

Talons, throw this ignorant fool into the Wastelands. I don't believe how she passed my first test.

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_A/N: Well, well. I would like to see who passed that. And the dear Dark Ace had some limelight. _

_I have no idea why I pictured the Dark Ace like that... It's a lot more amusing. _


End file.
